I’m Motivated!! (and overwhelmed)

It’s 11:38am on a Friday morning.

I’ve been waking up at 8am and laying in bed til 10:30am lately.
I’ve been going to sleep at 2am after networking events and local music showcases.
I’ve been going to the gym everyday just to feel a sense of daily accomplishment.
I’ve been spending money that I don’t have and accruing more credit card debt.
I’ve been investing my mind and time into passion projects.
I’ve been making peace with the fact that ideas take time.. and action.

Screen Shot 2016-01-03 at 2.37.32 PM.pngSunrise. New Years morning 2016. Vang Vieng, Laos

I’m MOTIVATED! (and overwhelmed)

I have a giant dry-erase board that is the focal point of my living room. It’s where I write down my short-term goals, my long-term visions, my project ideas, daily routines, and other info to keep my chaotic mind on task. I love it. I love seeing how the ideas form and grow and build into one another.. I love being able to erase what I’ve accomplished and literally start fresh with a clean slate. I love collecting ideas that are bigger than myself and spending the time and energy to make them a reality. My white board is often full. My mind is often full. Every day is a battle between how motivated I am to change the World, and that feeling of “holy shit, what the hell am I doing with my Life?”

What I’ve been up to lately:

Networking. Lots of it. Trying to get to know the Seattle scene, both as a musician and as a professional speaker. I’ve been trying to fill every free moment with a networking event, a local music showcase, an entrepreneur MeetUp, an open mic or a concert.

Happy Heartbreak. Being a musician is central to my identity and will continue to be. Though I play acoustic guitar all of the time, I don’t want to be known in the Seattle scene as an acoustic musician.. I want to be known as the singer for Happy Heartbreak, my indie rock/ emo pop project. So, I’ve been trying to promote that.

Screen Shot 2015-10-27 at 6.11.54 PM.png(Happy Heartbreak playing at the High Dive, October 2015)

Effectiveness Trainer. I’ve been commuting to Singapore to run workshops on designing and delivering results-driven effective trainings. I’m tired of watching presenters, speakers, educators, and trainers stand in the front of the room asking silly questions for validation and exploiting a speaking model from twenty years ago. It feels lazy and irresponsible to play on an audience’s emotions without giving concrete value for them to take away and implement. (More on this another time)

Seattle Songwriter Showcase. I’m starting a MeetUp for local musicians to help create collaborative community in an attempt to work together and push the Seattle Music scene forward as a whole. The hope is for us to support one another, share ideas/music, and offer solutions for how we can make the Seattle scene great..

The “I” in Happiness. I’ve spent a lot of time over the past 2 years of travel writing a curriculum on how we can make choices in our Life to further our overall Happiness. The thought is to have Lifestyle Design through Personal Development that allows us to create the Life that we want based on Who we are as people.

Screen Shot 2016-01-17 at 1.33.22 AM.png Multi-Dimensional Design Training: Singapore 2015

Along with the idea above.. I’ve been trying to find ways to bring in passionate friends who are driven and can work together in finding more ways that we can create positive impacts on the people and World around us. So, I have a lot coming up with further developing this and hopefully offering more for everyone out there. (Including a trip to Bali in the near future..)

Man, I love these ideas.. but man, it’s so frustrating to actually make things come to life. It all feels so thankless and so far, nothing has yielded any sort of income (and really has no plans for monetization in the long term).. these are all just passion projects. Projects that I’m going to continue to do because I love what I’m doing, but I am feeling more and more overwhelmed knowing that I still have rent and bills and food and everything else to make happen. Where do you draw the line? What is the appropriate amount of time to allocate to each endeavor? Is this really the best use of my time?

“If you want to be truly successful invest in yourself to get the knowledge you need to find your unique factor. When you find it and focus on it and persevere your success will blossom.”
– Sydney Madwed

IMG_2536.JPG(Playing ukulele and overlooking the city on an overcast Singapore morning)

It was 12:23am on a treadmill in Seattle. Actually, an elliptical, but the cardio equipment of choice that had me moving had less to do with the direction my mind was going. Ugh, I didn’t wanna be there. I had neglected the gym all day, despite my “FitnessFebruary and social media goal setting initiative #SnapChatSmallSteps.

To be honest, SnapChat was the only reason I went. This strange disconnected feeling like I was letting someone else in the World down (and further revealing my insane quest for validation and deeply rooted social media addiction) guilted me into going to the gym. I guess I’ll consider this one positive internal peer pressure. Because it was here on this machine that I came to the realization that I’m tired of just seeing the World. I want to change it.

My unique Life and perspective HAS to be good for something.. there must be some value for something more than just myself. And I’ve been searching to find it. Maybe I just so serendipitously watched the Tony Robbins video on scarcity the SAME day I checked my bank account and credit card debt. Uhm, spoiler alert, this particular story falls in the realm of Greek tragedy.. or at best, financial comedy. Unlike the Tony Robbins video, I didn’t have any money coming to me.

Screen Shot 2015-09-16 at 10.39.30 AM(Going for the jump down at the highest point on Miyajima Island in Japan)

I’ve been so worried lately about how I can monetize my skills. I can’t afford to continue living like this, but I’m worried that if I don’t stay focused on what I’ve been doing, and if I stop living a life of scarcity, that I’ll get too complacent. I won’t stay as hungry to achieve as I have in the Past. It’s a major reason why I left San Diego in the first place..

I’ve often thought about how I could live and get by in so many other places in the World on so little (I’m definitely privileged), but that doesn’t erase the debt I have already accrued over years of dream chasing and contract education work. I guess, if I wanna be who I am and make the impact I wanna make.. I need to create something that helps people beyond myself and allows them to continue building and growing. I believe that I should continue moving this positive impact forward. It’s a terrible business model, but a potentially a World changing idea.

IMG_8013.JPG(sunrise at the Cagsawa Ruins in the Philippines)

I guess my only hope (and unintended purpose) for this blog post.. is to process these thoughts of overwhelming doubt and recognize the important of making a difference.. at least for me. The more I can live my passions with purpose, the more likely everything else will make sense and make real change in my Life.

I am Motivated and Overwhelmed.
And I can’t imagine Life feeling any different.
Now quit doubting and start doing.
..one white board task at a time..

Excited to give more detailed progress on these projects, Friends.
See you soon.


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